09 Apr What Your Boss Is Really Thinking….

At my first “real job,” my boss would get frustrated with me. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he yelled at me, but raising his voice seems a fair representation.

 

The thing is, I honestly didn’t know what I was doing wrong.

 

So, I didn’t change my behavior, and he continued to get aggravated. Which would confuse me at best and frustrate me most of the time.

 

Around and around we went. After several weeks on this dysfunctional merry-go-round, something clicked. And then I finally got it!

 

And I learned a valuable lesson. My boss was saying one thing, but he was trying to tell me something else.

 

Here’s the full story…

 

One of my responsibilities was answering my boss’s phone. He told me to be sure to answer his office phone when he called in the morning.

 

Not knowing when he would call, I made sure to answer all calls that came in once I was at my desk in the morning.

 

However, making sure I was answering when he called wasn’t really what he was trying to tell me.

 

What he was actually trying to tell me was to be in the office by 8:30am. He wanted all his calls answered beginning no later than 8:30am. At the time, I was not in the habit of starting my workday by 8:30am.

 

So, when he was calling his own line on his way to the office, he was actually testing me. He would call shortly after 8:30am, and of course, I wasn’t answering. When he did finally connect with me on the phone or in person, he’d be angry at me for not answering his call earlier in the morning. And I would be thinking, “But dude, I wasn’t even at my desk yet.” Which, of course, was his point. But he never said directly, “Christy, I want you at your desk by 8:30am.” So, I continued to be clueless and naive and came to work after 8:30am.

 

One day, the light bulb went on, and I realized what he had been trying to tell me, but unsuccessfully. I started showing up by 8:30am, and all was right in the world. Ok, it was right for just that one task, but the frustration we were both experiencing on that issue, at least, was eliminated.

 

I honestly don’t believe my boss was being passive aggressive. I know many people who do operate like that. In this case, I truly believe he was just a really poor communicator.

 

Understanding What a Person Means, Not Simply What They are Saying 

 

That was the first time I learned not all managers, or colleagues for that matter, are good communicators. Sometimes, it’s not enough to understand what a person is saying, you have to decipher what they are meaning.

 

Yes, it’s more work to interpret the meaning behind words. And yes, it would make working so much easier if everyone could say what they mean and mean what they say. Sadly, it doesn’t always happen that way.

 

Therefore, the onus falls on you to be the grand communicator by working to understand what your boss or colleague is trying to tell you or ask you.

 

If you work on the assumption that many comments or questions have a deeper meaning than the words on the surface, then you can answer or respond in a way that addresses the underlying issue. Your communication gets straight to the root of what is being said or asked and the resolution is quicker because it is more direct than the dysfunctional merry-go-round that I and others have found ourselves on.

 

If you understand this concept and craft your responses to address any underlying issues, you will have an overall positive reputation for doing your job well, be less frustrated in your interactions, and excel in your career much faster.

 

Other statements you may hear your boss say, and a likely translation of what is meant, include:

 

• “How is that project coming?” translates to, “You haven’t been keeping me up-to-date on the status of the project, I’d like to hear what’s going on, and soon.”

 

• “Are you on track to meet the deadline this time?” can really mean, “You didn’t make the deadline you promised on the last project, and I don’t trust that you will make it on this one either.”

 

• “You are really detail-oriented for sales, which isn’t a bad thing” could be interpreted as, “You are getting too into the weeds on administrative stuff, and I need you to be thinking big picture and focusing on getting new sales.”

 

It would be wonderful for every manager to be able to articulate exactly what they are thinking and requesting. Since we don’t work in a perfect world, your ability to understand your boss’s (and colleagues’) communication style and respond to it accordingly, can have a direct impact on your ability to work well with him or her, excel in your role, and succeed in your profession.

 

Oh, and showing up for work by 8:30am if that’s important to your boss!